Alligators Don't Make Good Friends

So why would you even get in the swamp?

I was talking with a client about the guilt they’re feeling due to not reaching out to their estranged parent - I’ll just say “mom” for simplicity’s sake. We had previously talked about how their mom simply might not have the capability to be the loving, thoughtful, and interested mom the client deserves and longs to have.

My client, who has a strong Christian faith and was questioning her responsibility in the relationship, said, “Doesn’t that mean it’s on me to reach out?”

It occurred to me that we, as believers, may be more prone to putting ourselves in (or staying in) situations where we are likely to be hurt. We ask ourselves, “What Would Jesus Do?” and often feel that we are to be self-sacrificing for the sake of others.

But…

this doesn’t mean we should put ourselves in harm’s way!

That would be like opening yourself up to being friends with an alligator!

Think about it.

Alligators don’t have the capacity to be a good friend. (Even the ones that have a smile on their face.)

Even as a “good Christian,” you do not need to make up for the other person’s shortcomings when doing so will put you or your loved ones in peril.

So why do we feel the need to enter the swamp?

I mean, the Bible tells us to sacrifice for others, right?

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?” -1 John 3:16-17

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” -Galatians 6:2

“If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.” -Matthew 5:41

However,

it doesn’t do you or the other person any good if you reach out, if you help out, if you show up,

and their response is to eat you up.

Of course you wouldn’t enter a swamp with a ravenous alligator. You don’t have to enter the swamp with a friend, family member, or partner whose intention is to feast upon your goodwill.

Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and discernment about who the alligators are in your life, and then take steps to protect yourself from becoming someone else’s lunch.

“I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.” -Romans 6:17

FINALLY, if you have realized that you are the alligator, please seek the support and guidance of a wise counselor, therapist, or coach who can help you gain insight, improve interpersonal skills, and increase in compassion.